Monday, May 08, 2006

Quest Day 1

Stacey types hers in the morning -- I believe that I am going to have to type mine in the evening. That is just the way my body works. I am a night owl and so me and mornings do not get along.

I went to my mom and dad's this weekend. I talked about that last night. The trip did me a lot of good. I got to see friends that I haven't seen in a LONG time. Yeah I talked about that too. It was good to see them, to hear about their kids and grandkids. But it made me realize something. I am not the person that I set out to be all those years ago. Some time ago back on my other blog I wrote a series entitled "A Girl with a Dream" That was a story of how I met me husband. It was a long jorunery from a young girl that wanted to grow up and marry someone from her hometown ( I had my heart set on the eldest son of one of those couples I saw at my parents ) , settle down right there, teach and raise a family in the same place I grew up. In just a few short years that dream changed as I met and later married my husband. But it didn't change all that much, basically the location and the guy changed. I stil wanted to teach and raise my family. But God changed that. I now stay home, teach and raise my family.

He had other things to teach me as well. Through a series of steps some would call bad luck and others, including some very close to me IRL, would call bad judgement, but I call Divine Intervention, I don't have the security of knowing when the money is coming in to pay our next bill, I must totally rely on God to provide those things. As some of you know this has been a severe stuggle of faith for me. It may get worse before it gets better. I don't know, I certianly hope not! I do have the promise, straight from Him that He 'has it covered'. So however He choses He WILL care for me.

I am a long way from that girl with a dream. I am also a long way away from where several in my family thought I should be. They don't say it outright but I can hear it in their tones and the wording of the questions they ask. Beth Moore talks about how she never had her mother's blessing for her ministry. I believe I know how she feels. I have always been the homebody daughter that does what is expected. Now I am having to force myself to break out of that mold and search for MY path the one God called ME to and not the one that some in my family think I should take.

There are things on the horizion for me which I have glimpsed for a long time. They are coming nearer and nearer. I am just about ready to let go of my safety net, that path I 'should' be on and step out onto the path MADE FOR ME!

For today that meant not worrying about finances and resting in the assurences that God will provide. In the days to come it will mean answering the naysayers with the confidence that God Will Provide, even if I don't know how at that moment in time. It will also mean speaking out boldly about my faith with confidence I don't yet have in myself.


Stacey said...

((hugs)) YOu just go one step at a time my dear! God gives us new mercies every morning, and they last the whole day through!

MichelleD said...

I have a very similar story. In fact, almost everything you wrote, I said, "Oh, me too." I'm not the girl I thought I'd be when I graduated high school. I'm not who my family thought I'd be...and I'm in the process of becoming even more Me and less their expectations of me.