Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Who am I?

That is the general question right now. I have been on this quest for many months. Not consistently, not in depth, but very much there. Life has a way of getting in the way of me finding the answers that I seek, however, in the last few weeks I have discovered several things.

One, I am a perfectionist. That surprised the heck out of me. I mean I am the one to jump gung ho into things and then realize that the project is too big and sluff off towards the end and the finished result is less than the brilliance I envisioned upon starting the project. For example, my second prayer shawl is still on my crochet hook with only a few rows completed. But yes perfectionist I am. And and working to overcome. And what's more I live with one as well. No wonder nothing gets done around here . . . . .

Secondly I suffer from bouts of depression. Nothing major or life shattering, as far as my amateur mind can diagnose. But they are there. Another surprise to me. I mean I thought depression is something only sick or mentally ill people suffer from. At least that is what I thought. Happy, well adjusted, busy moms aren't depressed are they?

Third I am very different from my parents. Again another surprise. I mean, I was always happy to do just as expected and follow their lead. Never one to break out and be different. But I am finding my voice and it is different than the one I expeceted to hear.

I bring out these three points because they are the ones closest to my heart. They are the ones that God is speaking to me most about right now. As I read, study, meditate and learn more I will probably bring it here as I think out loud and on paper better than in my head anyway.

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